Transforming Fear

Today on my walk on the beach, I sat down and felt. As I did, a sadness came over me. I noticed my inability to control life, to roll back time, to roll forward time, to control really anything. This never became so apparent as it was today. 

Something went cellular today. What I mean about going cellular is that although we can know something intellectually, there is a big difference in “walking the talk” and talking the talk. Today I experienced a shift, although the experience only lasted a few minutes long, it changed me, my perception and how I am relating to the world. 

With all the change of my youngest daughter going off college in 10 days, my son graduating, being stuck in a dreadful 2 year divorce full of uncertainty I found myself saddened because I have no control over so many things in my life. 

How and why does this matter? I realize there is a lot going on right now in the world and everyone is afraid.

Well I’ll speak for myself. As much as I don’t want to admit it, wanting to control things and not being able to has created immense pain both physically, emotionally and mentally. I realize that I am not free of fear. I also realize that fear influences my thoughts, my decisions, my relationships, my success and my confidence in myself.

The moment that I try to plan around my fears, outsmart fear, overthink it, assess risks, take steps to create a new future, I am only creating resistance. And resistance is futile, useless. 

What I experienced on the beach today when I sat with my fear and inquired into my sadness was a profound shift. And as I sat, I watched it, learned about it, didn’t try to know anything, plan or escape from it. I came directly in contact with it.

What I learned:

Today, I’m here and it’s okay to not know, to not have a plan. I do not know what is in store for tomorrow. When tomorrow happens, I will create a plan and go from there. I know I can do that.

I am tired of planning, running and hiding from my fear of the future, fear of change. It’s exhausting… and honestly it effecting the quality of my life.

I know that anything, literally anything can happen in a moment. Especially the things I don’t think are possible, they are possible.

If you are exhausted, feeling stuck, not knowing how exactly to resolve a situation, unsure about some aspect of the future, know that, thy will IS being done (things are as they are). Focus on how you are showing up right now, enjoy this moment, in fact celebrate it. Get out of your head and just be okay with things right now, right here. 

This moment creates the next.